Not So Happy Ending

Back-story: I met this guy at a Halloween party. We wound up closing out not one but two bars and at the end of the night he came back to my apartment. I didn't sleep with him but there was some serious making out. The next morning I woke up to use the bathroom and when I came back he was ready to go. Home. He was dressed and ready to go home. I gave him my number, though I didn't expect him to call me. A man who isn't willing to stay for post hook up brunch? Not a good sign. Front-story: The next weekend, I drunk dialed him to see if he was around. We live four blocks apart and I thought, well, why the hell not? He texted me back: Long day at work. Tired.

At this point, I definitely didn't think I would see him again.

The following week--a Tuesday--he texted me asking if he could come over. It was 10pm and I was waking up in seven hours to go to work. I told him I was in my pajamas. He said he didn't care. I told him he could come over if he wanted to cuddle, but seriously, I had to get to sleep. He said that was fine, and 10 minutes later he was at my door.

This was not a man who wanted to cuddle.

So we were making out and things were happening and one thing led to another and I was VERY tired at this point, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep, and he was still going and going and going....

Finally he said, "I can only finish if I do it."

I gladly let go. Then I sat there and watched him finish the job. He was taking forever. Finally, he finished--

Climax: --in my eye.

Conclusion: I did what any woman would do--start wiping my eye emphatically and ran to the bathroom. I couldn't help but wonder: Did he AIM for me? It was like a dart to a bulls eye. A perfect shot. When I came out of the bathroom, he was standing in the living room. Dressed. He said, "I guess I'm going to go now." I said, "REALLY?!" "Yeah," he said, "I'm going to leave."

Asshole. But what do I expect from a man who used my cornea for target practice.


p.s. After a few daytime inquiries (thanks, no that's okay, it's not like we have jobs we're trying to keep?!) the editors and staff would like to remind people that these stories on here are not all from our lives.  So, we can't tell you if eye wash was involved or if there was any damage to a contact lens.  We will report back though... as all good reporters do...