Face biter? Is that a thing these days?
Ya thats right. Facebiter. Bit my face. On the cheek. Is this a story? Not really, but my face still hurts. But who does that? Is that a whole other level of crazy? Or have I just been out of the loop that long?
Heres the scenario. Out, hanging with peeps, having cocktails. A friend of a friend shows up, she's a babe, we hit it off. (Though she seems a biiit aggro as she proceeds to drink, but nothing I can't handle or think is too bonkers.)
The night progresses, at some point on the dance floor a smooch occurs, and finishes with a lip nibble on her part. Ok, cool....some people dig that.
Shortly thereafter, she swoops in for smooch part deaux, this one ends in pain...and the faint taste of blood in my mouth. Whoooooooooooa...I'm not THAT drunk yet.
So I proceed to decline smooch three.
And am rewarded with a CHOMP on the side of my face.
Like a "wrapped her mouth around my cheekbone like she's tackling a Whopper" bite.
This is a relatively petite, pretty girl who seemed fairly normal - now standing there with this Chucky Doll smile on her face.
Just standing there. Staring at me.
Have you ever attempted to tiptoe slowly backwards out of a crowded night club? Ya, you can't. So its a standoff, Smiley Facebiter and me.
Her, perhaps expecting a return bite? Maybe I was supposed to pull her hair or something?
For what felt like an eternity she stood there with a look on her face like she was thinking stuff and that I was somehow listening to her thoughts.
Like she was having a conversation inside of her head with the inside of my head...and her head was winning.
Alas, the DJ saved my life that night, as the song faded into some top 40 mash up (Usher I think) and as the dance floor was immediately swarmed by the entire club I literally beelined for the door...I dont even think I paid my bill.
Needless to say, its a jungle out there, and some days, when I stare at myself in the mirror and ponder why I'm still single, I'm gonna think about that night and reassure myself that finding somebody isn't about just sorting through all the single people, its avoiding the Batshit crazy ones long enough to stumble across some awesome.
Till then, Keep fit, have fun, and don't stop believin'.
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