Dear Dave...Love, Heidi

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Because sometimes, "goodbye" just isn't enough A letter to a recent date:

Dear Dave,

Thank you for the dinner on our first date and the lunch on our second date.  But here’s the news flash: You won’t be getting a third.

I always believe in second chances, hence I agreed to meet you for our second date.  It also helped that it was during bright sunlight so I could truly figure out that I wasn’t attracted to you.

While it was totally my idea to go on a hike on the beach, the one thing I have learned, always check the tidal charts. That said, when the tide was high so we had to climb the rocks (my personal prison for 45 minutes), it allowed me to ask you some important questions and learn more about you.  I understand you a bit more, but what I don't understand is how you felt you “knew me” and thus could suck my face off and “pet” me like I was your dog. I also don't understand how, after my obvious disgust by your kissing, you still invited me to Las Vegas with you!

I'd like to offer you some tips you might want to think about as you continue to look for Mrs. Right:

1) Do not admit that you live with your parents no matter what the situation is.  It doesn’t matter.  It didn’t sound like this was a temporary thing you were doing because your parents were sick and/or elderly. It sounded more like you were cheap and moving home was easy.  You are forty and should be able to pay rent somewhere no matter your expenses. Get a roommate if you have to.  I can guarantee, no woman, except maybe someone looking for a greencard, will date you and agree to come to “your room”. (And you describing me “slipping in the back door” so no one would know, was laughable.)

2) Visit your dentist. This might sound bitchy, but you like to smile a lot (and that’s a good thing)…you just have a “snaggle tooth” and you should have that fixed.  It also might be good to brush your teeth before a date.

3) Don’t brag about your timeshare vacations.  Obviously you’ve been suckered into going to these outposts during the most undesirable times of the month (Palm Springs in July, Vegas in August.  Who does that?) Truly, save your money and get an apartment.  You will get far more action in your own apartment than in your timeshare.

4) Watch more porn.  (I know…odd for me to say that) You are a terrible kisser and have zero technique.  (I imagine your bedroom skills are probably on par with this thought.) Practice on your arm if you have to…but you need to watch some epic kisses…rent some romantic comedies.  Have you ever seen a woman be “petted” before?  Yeah…don’t do that either…(One of my favorite kisses is from “One Fine Day” with George Clooney kissing Michelle Pfeiffer – he picks her up and kisses her against a wall…watch it and learn from it. My tip to you….)

I do not think all is lost for you Dave.  Keep trying, you will meet a wonderful woman.  Do not be such an eager beaver, slow down, get to know them…and for god sakes….  Get your own apartment.

Good luck.

Heidi Carson

P.S: Please follow me at: www.datinginlalaland.com

 

Letter actually sent:

Dear Dave,

Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to meet me and get to know me.  Honestly I think you are a wonderful man.  That said, I want to be honest with you.  I have been dating another gentleman who I’d like to pursue and it has progressed a bit farther.

I hope you have a wonderful time in Las Vegas and thank you for the invitation.

Good luck.

Heidi

 

And then he responded:

Dear Heidi,

Thank you being upfront with me (although, you really weren't).  Actually, I think you just made this up 'cause you know I would rock your world too much and you wouldn't be able to handle it! LOL

Your loss.

Good luck.

Dave

 

I believe I’ve dodged yet another bullet….cause again he would have “rocked my world” – yeah right.  To all the Dave’s out there…don’t be haters.  Read up on my tips at www.datinginlalaland.com.  – Heidi Carson

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First DateJessie Male