A Rule of Dating: If You Have To Ask, It's Probably Not Going to Happen

He was the DJ at our college pub, and had gotten my number from one of my meddlesome friends. At the insistence of these same friends, I agreed to go on a date with Dr. DJ. Dr. DJ picked me up and informed me we were going clubbing at some trendy new bar in the city. It is a 45-minute drive, and for each and every one of those minutes, he talked about nothing but himself.

After learning infinitely more than I ever wanted to know about this guy, we arrived at the club. Where a new form of misfortune presented itself.

Dr. DJ had forgotten his wallet.

No money. No ID.

Plan B. A much less trendy bar, where he knew the bartender and could get in without ID. But I would have to buy all the drinks. He apologized and said he'd repay me. After a few more of Dr. DJ's self-indulgent monologues, we headed back to his apartment.

I waited in the doorway, as the intention was to grab his wallet and go meet some friends.

Instead, Dr. DJ flopped onto the couch, and turned on a movie. Making it perfectly clear we were not going anywhere.

Immediately after I sit down on the couch, he makes his move. I'm not one to sleep with a guy one the first date, it’s just not how I roll. So, I made him aware of this little bit of information.

And then he says it...  “You’re at least going to give me a blow job, right?”

At this point, the date is completely over.

To add insult to injury, he then pulled some crumpled bills out of his wallet and threw them at me. Literally, like I was a cheap prostitute he was finished with for the night.

Luckily, for my friends who set-up the date, I had a long walk home and would be far too tired by the time I got back to murder them all in their sleep.


Bio: Zoe Barnes is a very busy and important woman, who has an unhealthy relationship with dating.  When she’s not writing, drawing or playing with social media, she’s probably earning some money by creating 3D data visualizations for an environmental engineering firm. …or sleeping. Read her hilarious blog.