The Dangers of Too Drunk Sex
Drunk Sex is fun. Too Drunk Sex is terrible. And when I say terrible I mean awful. Truly, truly horrible.
Recently I engaged in some TDS. I don’t remember walking to his house. I don’t even remember making out on the couch. All I remember being naked and probably saying too much stupid shit about my bodily flaws.
After I came home I made a list of why you (I) shouldn't have sex when you are completely inebriated:
1. I'm just going to say it: You can’t get wet.
2. And this works both ways, guys: They can’t get off.
3. You are too tired to focus. You are too ADD to be in a position more than a minute.
4. You want it to be over so you can pass out because you know you are going to have a wicked recovery tomorrow.
5. You can’t tell if you are about to orgasm or about to pee…You get up to go to the bathroom, then realize it was an orgasm.
6. When you get back from the bathroom, you decide sex isn't happening so you'll finish this up another way, which isn't going to happen because you have the patience of a two year old at a carnival and all you want to do is go to sleep.
7. The next morning, when you can't remember how it ended, you are going to assume it didn't end well. Another sign of this is when your man is as grumpy as a Disney dwarf.. You two barely talk except for when you tell him he HAD to give you a ride home because it is raining out. Classic.
Like this? (We do!) Want more? (We do!) Follow our author on twitter at @ohmymelons.