The Dangers of Lying to an On-Line Date
About eight months ago I went out with a guy I’ve decided to call Stripes (I can’t remember his actual name for the life of me, so I guess it’s a good thing I make up false ones for these dudes). I met Stripes on OKCupid, and he seemed like a nice enough guy, so after several emails back and forth, I gave him my number. We texted for a couple of days and I learned that Stripes was a philosophy major that lived with a roommate, loved road trips and worked as a chef in a friend’s restaurant. He asked me on a date and I agreed to meet him a few days later for dinner at this great Mediterranean place. I arrived for our date a little early, so I parked in the back of the parking lot and waited (creepy, I know). When he arrived, I immediately texted my best friend “OMG! He looks like a dirty hobo! What do I do?! I can’t leave, that would be fucked up.” And then I called my mother to seek her advice and give her the 4-1-1 on this guy. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, this is a bit dramatic, but allow me to explain. You see, Stripes was a bit of a fibber and an awful dresser. I’ve said before that you can’t lie on your dating profile, because when you actually go out with someone they will find out the truth, especially if you lie about physical things, such as your height. When Stripes got out of his car I could tell he wasn’t 5’10”; I’m 5’11”, I know a tall person when I see one, and tall he was not. The pictures he used on his profile were, you guessed it, old; in the years since the pictures had been taken, Stripes had grown out his unkempt hair and packed on a few pounds. He arrived to our date wearing a striped doo doo brown shirt that was two sizes too small, with pants that were too long, wearing a bucket hat with pins and a hand crafted flower on the side; he looked dirty and like he might be homeless. My mother sympathized with me and agreed that it would be mean to stand him up, then mentioned that he might be a really nice guy that just needed a little help from a woman. She was making sense, so I got out of my vehicle determined to make the best of my date.
After an awkward greeting and a compliment from Stripes, he led the way into the restaurant, however, he did not hold the door open for me. Strike one. Listen up boys, chivalry is not dead. I repeat, chivalry is not dead. Ladies love when you hold the door open for them, we eat that shit up. We sat down at the table for dinner and our conversation was everything but smooth. It was like pulling teeth to get Stripes to talk. I was the one asking all the questions, which looking back is probably a good thing, because that’s how I found out the truth behind what Stripes probably thought were white lies (a lie is a lie, people!). Let’s have a look at these fibs. Shall we?
Lie 1: Old pictures - Sure Stripes had never heard my stance on the use of old pictures on a dating site, but that’s no excuse! If you use old pictures, people are going to find out and be disappointed and upset that you lied. If you are going to try online dating, you need to accurately represent yourself! I don’t want to know what you looked like then, I want to know what you look like now! Try taking a new picture, buddy.
Lie 2: “I’m 5’10” - No Stripes, you’re not. I am 5’11”, you sir are barely 5’7”. Don’t lie to a woman; believe me, we know what an extra couple of inches, or lack thereof looks like. Lie 3: “I’m a chef” - A chef is someone that has gone to school and has been trained in the culinary arts. A chef is NOT a cook in a fast food delivery restaurant.
Lie 4: “I live with a roommate” - Your mother does not count as a roommate. There’s nothing wrong with living with your parents. I understand that times are tough, and it sucks. Just don’t lie about it! I’ve been lied to a lot in my life, so liars are not people I take kindly to.
With that being said, those lies counted as strikes two and three for Stripes. The fact that he hates plaid (which I have a love affair with) and paid for dinner out of a duct tape wallet didn’t do too much for him either. After an awkward hug, I was out of there and I never spoke to Stripes again. He’s a liar who hates plaid, it would have never worked.
This is another awesome submission from Lo Rain. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter. We love her and can't wait to read more! Also, at least Stripes paid for dinner, right? That's more than we can say about the men we met on-line...