Surprise whispered sweet nothings on dinner date...


First + Very BAD Date I was divorced for 3 years and my friends decided it was time for me to start dating. I acquiesced and the suggestions started rolling in.

The date was set.  We met at a restaurant on the East River in NYC. I knew who to look for because I did my research.  "He" was a published author and screenwriter.

I had gone to the library (yes folks this was a LONG TIME AGO) and found "his" book and looked for a photo.  Not bad looking - actually interesting and quite attractive.

All of this is why I agreed to meet him.

So we met. I wasn't sure if it was him.  The headshot in his book was about 20 years old.  I neglected to register the dates.  I psyched myself into enjoying the dinner and evening.

The dinner was delicious.  When I realized I counted 32 boats on the East River, I acknowledged something was amiss but I couldn't put my finger on it.  Here was a smart guy, nice looking, accomplished and yet my radar said "nope - he is a bit strange".

I got my answer toward the end of our dinner when he leaned across the table (I thought he was going to say, "You are so beautiful OR I am having a lovely evening OR ?????) and said...

"I have a Big Wiener".  I swear this is the absolute truth.  It is unusual for me to not have anything to say but I didn't have anything to say.  I sat there with my mouth open (I know what you're thinking).  I didn't know whether to  be more shocked that a guy in his 50's called his manhood a "wiener" or that he actually said this out loud.

My cousin Tina suggested I should have put my hand in the air, snapped my fingers and said "Waiter - mustard please".


This photo is credited to the i can haz cheezburger website and its general awesome job of amassing photos of cats in more carefully constructed wardrobes than our own.