So many dating sites, so little time...

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I've been single in New York City on and off for close to four years, and during that time, depending on mood (and level of sobriety) I've entertained several different dating sites. So many, in fact, that sometimes I forget which ones I've joined, and correspondences sit, unread, for months or even years. I recently received an email from "FastCupid" stating that through careful formula, they found a man ideal for me. And there he was--OJsDad (so many thoughts...was this guy a father? Did this "FastCupid" think I was ready to play step mom? Why would someone name their kid OJ? Do I have any juice in my fridge?). Apparently OJsDad is "terrible at writing bios" and "I have lots of stories I think are funny, but the reviews are mixed."

Somebody teach this man some humility!

I didn't actually remember joining this "FastCupid" (it must have been at the tail end of a margarita night at my local Blockheads) but I decided to see what else I had been missing. And then I found this gem, written by a 40-year old man wearing a fedora, a fur coat, and a tattooed face:

<<.... I keep my profile turned off because my book is written anonymously and I need to keep a low profile because of it...so you see? I'm not just some weirdo I'm a postmodern celebrity (I hope you appreciate the attention!!!) it's obvious from your pictures that you have great taste..all the more flattering then if you agree to have a coffee with me....nothing too racy ..we can start with decaf. ps the hat and tache are optional.>>

This immediately made me question my own choice in photograph, but apparently reviewing ones own profile costs $9/month, and why do that when I can continue to get these love letters from postmodern celebs for free.