Michael Ian Cedar Loses his Identity While Speed Dating

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I host single parties. They are called Date My Friend Parties or Date My Jewish Friend Parties and the way they work is you have a wingman all night and meet pairs of potential dates. It's speed dating in pairs.  Meeting new people is always tough and sometimes you find matches and sometimes you don't.  My friend, Michael Ian Cedar, who is also in the theatre world, wrote this sketch after attending my party last night. To clarify: I call it a sketch, but he protested, "THIS IS NOT A SKETCH !!!!

THIS IS THE TRUTH! I WROTE IT DOWN BECAUSE IT WAS SO ABSURD!!!"Anyway, whatever nomenclature you want to give it--- it's not the best plug for my parties, but I thought it was funny--and yes, he does work for a dance competition company!

 

Setting:  A nightclub side room that was set aside for a speed dating event. Men and women in their late 20s and early 30s enter the room. Men in pressed shirts and ties.  Women in cute dresses with cleavage showing.

 

Date 1

Her: So what do you do?

Me: I produce dance competitions that tour around the country.

Her: That’s cute...Really though… What do you do?

 

 

Date 2

Her: Do you have a job?

Me: Yes.

Her: So what do you do?

Me: I work in dance.

Her: How cool... What do you do?

Me: I put on dance competitions around the country for children under the age of 18.

Her: No, really, what do you do?

 

 

Date 3

Me: What’s your favorite color?

Her: I don’t know.

Me: You don’t know.

Her: Purple... Do you have a job?

Me: Yes...

Her: Well…What is it?

Me: I help produce dance competition in the United States. We host 24,000 dancers a year in 40 cities across the country.

Her: That’s funny... Cute answer. I'm only talking to you because I paid admission.

 

 

Date 4

Me: So what is your passion?

Her: Oh....Wow....I’ve never been asked that... I don’t know.... So what do you do?

Me: Oh nothing interesting…Same old thing as the guy sitting next to me does.

Guy Sitting Next To Me: He abducts 12-year old girls and makes them dance for him.

Her: That’s creepy. Your body language is telling me you really don’t want to be here right now.

 

 

Date 5

Her: So, what do you do?

Me: Cook, eat, sleep... The regular things.

Her: No really for a job... What do you do?

Me: Ehh... The job doesn’t really define us. Lets talk about our biggest fears in life.

Her: Ok… First tell me what you do.

Me: I wrangle cows for a living in upstate New York.

Her:  Oh wow. That’s interesting. Tell me more.