Introducing "OKStupid"-the best in OK Cupid responses

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Introducing our brand new columnist, Anthony. Anthony will be bringing us the best in his OK Cupid responses, and let us tell you...those ladies who didn't respond back? You missed an opportunity to laugh so hard you peed yourself.  

In mid 2010 I was struggling with the New York City dating scene. A friend, I’ll call him George since that’s his name, swore to me that online dating was the only way to do it. He told me that he had a profile and was getting a date with a different girl every night of the week.

For his profile picture he used a shot of the back of his head. I made him turn around so I could get a good look. Nothing special back there. I figured my face looks at least as good as the back of his head so this should be easy for me. Then again George also listed on his profile that he is an Ivy League educated attorney with a six figure income. I’m a comedian from a state school that refuses a conventional work life.

I created a profile and spent the next week reading tons of profiles of potential female dates. All of them said the same thing.

  • They live in Brooklyn
  • Love bike riding, coffee, NPR, yoga, and their passport
  • Have a sense of humor/love to laugh

If you need to say that you have a sense of humor or that you love to laugh you actually don’t. Odds are you as enjoyable as a visit to the free clinic.

I’ve sent hundreds of queries to test this theory out.

The first one I'll share with you is this:

An introduction letter I sent to a woman who wondered what Jesus would be like as a friend.

Hi,

I think for fun Jesus was a prankster. We know about water into wine, but have you heard the one about wine into ketchup? For some reason they left that story out of the bible. If read closely, the bible is nothing more than a bunch of pranks.

“I”m dead. Nah… just kidding.”

In his downtime he was also contemplating a new line of designer footwear.

What do you think he was doing?

Best,

Anthony

I never heard back.

 

Anthony is a man of many hats. And we will provide you links to all of them. At night he is a standup comic living in NYC. During the day he works on his second novel. His first one is only $2 (thebasement.anthonycimino.com). You can see him in the Salon.com webseries, In The Middle. (http://www.salon.com/topic/in_the_middle/) To pay the bills he is a partner in a concrete company (www.bahkoconcrete.com) and a Principal at a online design firm (cynicalandsons.com). On paper he sounds much busier than he really is.

You can also catch Anthony at our next BDGS show in September.