How To Please A Lady





  1. Don’t ever wear running shoes with jeans.
  2. Do have nice dress shoes and also a good pair of sneakers, like Nikes or Vans.
  3. Don’t be in love with your ex-girlfriend.
  4. Do know that it really doesn’t matter what your ex-girlfriend looks like because to me she is the most beautiful thing in the world.
  5. Don’t tell me about your collection of Star Wars action figures on our first date.
  6. Do buy the first round.
  7. Don’t be the #1 Eagles fan.
  8. Do be passionate about what you do.
  9. Don’t run a jam poetry club “just for fun.”
  10. Do have a great flannel shirt and/or sweater that I can wear and will eventually steal when we break up.
  11. Don’t prematurely ejaculate on my tights while I’m giving you a hand job.
  12. Do be attentive to my lady parts in the bedroom.
  13. Don’t belong to an intramural modern dance team.
  14. Do tell me I’m beautiful constantly, and don’t use lame words like “pretty” or “cute.” I might be cute, but I’m also a grown woman.
  15. Don’t be really into Crocs.
  16. Do have an awesome sense of humor and don’t be intimidated by mine (I know, it’s weird)
  17. Don’t make me bring up the whole “what are we” thing.
  18. Do take me out to a nice dinner every few months.
  19. Don’t say stupid things like “lovers” or “I’m not hungry” or “stop talking about Lost.”
  20. Do remember my birthday.

This list comes to us courtesy of the top secret A.V., who we can't wait to hear and read more from. She tweets @agvnotes and blogs at Side note, we love lists! Have one you'd like to share? Email us at