Dear OKCupid--

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(love letters to our favorite free dating site) --Let's be clear. Saying you like Wes Anderson is like saying you like Vampire Weekend. I like them too but shut the fuck up.

--maybe the solar photon storm is to blame for this guy's obscenity and gall. Or maybe he's an asshole & that's why he's alone.

--Sometimes I wonder if sleeping with 24 yr old guys does actually make me a lil' bit of a pedophile.

--Your name should not be "Punk Guy" if all you're going to do is talk about how sweet your son is & how much you love your job.

--Sometimes I see a guy whose profile is so grammatically incorrect it's barely readable,& I want to offer him tutoring lessons. [editor's note: personal favorite]

--I like to pretend that every obvs fake profile I see is a psychology major working on their thesis. And not a serial killer.

--profiles should have disclaimers like "best viewed after 2am" or "for when your mom makes you feel bad about being old/single"

--Hell is a fuzzy cropped photo of a man in glasses and a blue button down, asking you over and over again "Hey, what's up?"

--Never trust a profile that starts off with "I'm good to those who are good to me." Sure sign of an asshole.

--I met someone tonight who met the girl he's dating on Craiglist missed connections.So...SOMEbody needs to step it up.

--Being able to see who visited your profile but didn't write is your way of rejecting us enough to keep coming back, isn't it?

--There's something about the chat function, an aftertaste of it, that makes me feel I've already consented to something gross.

--Is there a fetish for people who want to be suffocated with twinkies? Twinkies are pretty phallic. I bet there is.

--From now on, I am messaging guys who are at least 50% my enemy. Because they probably have actual careers. [editor's note: this one made me laugh out loud. hard.]

--2 people in my entire state who are 99% matches & they both think Tom Robbins is a great writer. I will be alone 4 evah.

--No matter how many questions I answer, the personality chart still shows my strongest characteristic as "drug friendly".

--Dear OK Cupid: I can't love you if you can't love me when I'm doing My Sharona at karaoke, but you know, rapping it.

These were appropriated from the twitter feed of the hilarious Bridget Callahan. Bridget is stuck in Cleveland, realizing she has already dated everyone OK Cupid sends at her, because there are exactly 5 childless atheist liberals in the whole state. Want more hilarious love letters to OKC? Follow her at https://twitter.com/#!/DearOKCupid.