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My First Date Blunder

This can’t be called a ‘bad first date’ for any reason other than me….

I was very excited about my first ‘hang out’ with the new guy in high school. We had made out once at a recent school dance, but going to his house one afternoon in May after school was our first date. As high school students do, we were going to ‘watch a movie’ and ‘chill.’

He lived in a huge house and we got set up on the couch. About an hour into the film, I had to pee. A half hour later I had to pee BAD.

I asked where the bathroom was. He pointed me to a glorified closet practically IN the living room. I’d been in bigger phone booths, but I had to go.

I’ve never been a nervous pee-er, but that this moment, I was petrified. The boy I liked was basically right outside the door. He was going to hear me peeing. In 16 year old logic, that means he is going to lose interest. Obviously, the only choice was the silent pee.

Ladies, we’ve all tried to do the silent pee. It consists of sidling up to the front edge of the toilet and peeing verrrrry slowly – the goal being for your pee to gracefully stream down the bowl quietly – without the rushing sound of urine hitting water. The goal is, of course, not for your pee to spill out between the seat and the bowl, and all over your khaki shorts. But of course, when you are executing the silent pee, you are focused. You don’t notice these things. Until you stand up to return to your hot make-out date and notice there is pee all over the floor and all over you.

It might be funnier if this date ended poorly or with some horrific meltdown. But instead, as any trooper would, I dried off the floor, pulled up my shorts, and went back to the couch. We made out for the first of the afternoon and then dated for 5 years.